Avoiding Anger

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Is anger contagious?

According to sociologists, moods can be transferred through brief interactions. A quick interaction can often reveal if someone is in a good or a bad mood. These small exchanges can have a cumulative effect, shifting both your own mood and the moods of those around you.

Recent research by sociologist Nicholas Christakis demonstrated this. “We were able to show that as one person became happy or sad, it rippled through the network,” Christakis says.

Interestingly, digital interactions can have the same effect.

A study that tracked the news feeds of Facebook users confirmed this. “We found that when good things were happening in your news feed — to your friends and your family — you also tended to write more positively and less negatively,” says Jeff Hancock, a communications researcher at Stanford University.

The takeaway? Digital communication is a tool that can spread negativity or positivity, depending on what you choose to focus on and share.

The Importance of Green Spaces

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A new study from Denmark shows that living near a forest, park or other green space can protect mental health.

Amazingly, children who grow up near these natural, outdoor surroundings may have a 55 percent lower risk of developing mental health issues as adults. A correlation has been shown between the amount of time spent living near nature; the more time, the stronger the protective influence of green spaces.

Th exact interaction between mood and green spaces is unclear, but most people report feeling calmer and refreshed when outdoors. Studies have demonstrated that children who play outdoors display improvements in impulse control and attention span.

Factors such as lifestyle and finances can make visiting green spaces challenging, but motivation can usually overcome these obstacles. Local parks and walking and biking trails can provide free, healthy and local green spaces.

The Health Benefits of Swimming

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Research shows that swimming may be the perfect exercise for the elderly.

The benefits of exercise—increased strength, flexibility, improved health—are also accompanied by some risk, especially for the elderly. High-impact sports can lead to injuries, muscle strain and over-exertion.

In contrast, swimming is a low-impact sport that most people find relaxing. Researchers have also discovered that swimming can actually improve balance and coordination. Because swimming requires coordination of the upper and lower body, it improves standing balance.

Joining a swimming league at a community center may be a good place to start. Other options include joining a water aerobics class or setting up a schedule for swimming laps.

4 Steps to Better Communication

Have you heard of couples who get into fights, scream at each other and don’t really listen to each other? Why do people fight like this? The fight may start out innocently enough.
Let’s say that a wife asks her husband to do something, he forgets and she gets angry. She may not even know why she is so angry.

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Then she may explode at him and he doesn’t know why. They may start screaming at each other without listening to each other. There’s definately a better way to handle these situations.

At first this technique may seem artificial, but with practice it will become natural and will increase understanding in your relationships.  

The person who feels hurt begins to speak. The second person listens without interrupting. When the first person has finished, the second person hopefully will have a deeper understanding of what is really bothering the first person.   

The person with the complaint should speak in a sequence of four steps.

First step: Talk only about facts, about what actually happened. For example, “I asked you to take out the garbage, you said that you would but you didn’t do it.” The statement should focus only on one incident, not what happened in the past or what always happens. There should be very little to argue about step one.

Second step: Talk about about your values and/or how you interpret the situation. For example, you might say ”I believe that if a person says that he will do something, he must do it. Not doing what one commits to shows lack of responsibility.”  This stage explains to the other person why you are upset.

Third step: Talk about your feelings and how your interpretation makes you feel. How do his acts affect you emotionally? For example,  you might say “When you don’t do what you commit to, I feel that I can’t trust you and then I feel panicked because I don’t know what to expect. That undercuts my sense of security and makes me feel scared.” This step explains what is happening to you emotionally, which probably was not clear to the other person.

Fourth step: Request the behavior change that you want. You should be clear about what you want the other person to do. For example, “In the future, if you don’t want to do something, say so. If you say you will do it, then please do it.”

This kind of conversation shows the person that it’s not just about taking out the garbage, it’s about deep emotions, expectations, disappointments and maybe even fears. This understanding deepens the relationship and brings people closer to each other.

After the first person is finished explaining what bothers her, the second person should empathize with her. Ask about and discuss things that are unclear. Discuss how her values, emotions, and desires fit together as a whole picture and try to relate to what the person went through and why.

The second person can discuss how she relates to the situation with her values, emotions, and desires and see where the discussion flows to. The discussion can continue on and off for days and weeks, whatever fits, until the problem is resolved. If there are underlying issues that continue to bother either of them, they may consider seeking professional help. People want to learn to resolve issues and have ongoing give and take with each other for more harmony between them.

Communicating Better With Your Loved Ones

Communication with others is something that we take for granted, but there are really many elements involved and many processes occurring behind our words.

Research shows that the words we say are only 20% of what we communicate. What comprises the other 80%? It includes body language, tone, and the listener’s interpretation. We are aware of body language and tone and can partially control them; however the listener’s interpretation is totally out of our control. In addition, the speaker assumes that the listener will understand what he or she means.

Additionally, people use the same words but with different meanings . For example, when the slang expression “shut up” first came out, the literal meaning seemed like “be quiet” which was insulting. However from the tone and body language, the listener might have understood that the speaker meant something other than be quiet, something very positive.  

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Many people don’t speak accurately and listeners need to interpret what is said and its proper context. Some people tend to exaggerate when they speak and the listener has to adjust accordingly. Alternatively, many understate their messages which forces the listener to read between the lines.

What can we do to avoid these potential misunderstanding? When you are talking with someone and things don’t feel right, pay attention to that feeling. Ask the speaker, “from what you said, I understood “abc”. Is that what you meant?” In addition, when you say something and the other person reacts differently than expected, ask them, “How did you understand what I just said?”  Clarify interpretations to ensure better understanding and better relationships.

One more thing. The deeper the relationship, the more vulnerable you and the other person are. Therefore, you should work at improving understanding with your close friends and family members.

Next week, we will continue with more techniques for improving communications.

Even Old Shoes Send a Powerful Message

Some might find this to be a bit strange. New York congresswoman-elect Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is loaning the pair of shoes that she wore out on the campaign trail to be part of an exhibition. Why wants to see her old, worn out shoes? Well, the Cornell Costume Collection believes that many will and they are including the shoes in their exhibition titled “Women Empowered: Fashions from the Frontline.”

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The exhibition will open on December 6 and includes clothing that has empowered women. In June, during her campaign, Ocasio-Cortez tweeted “Here’s my 1st pair of campaign shoes. I knocked on doors until rainwater came through my soles. Respect the hustle. We won (because) we out-worked the competition. Period.”
Now you can see the shoes, and the hustle.